The Scattershot Story Trailer (don't do this)
If the story is a core pillar of your game, the trailer should make an effort to tell part of the story. The story told in the trailer could convey the overall premise of the game's world, the goals of the characters, or just the characters' roles and relationships. Too often, I see trailers for narrative heavy games which put random cutscenes and dialogue into the trailer. This goes for trailers from the smallest indie games all the way to some AAA games.
Let's take a close look at this announce trailer for Final Fantasy VII Remake Intergrade for PC. Try to piece together a story while watching it.
Even if you're a Final Fantasy VII fan, you'll probably have some trouble piecing together any semblance of a story from this trailer. I think at most, this tells you there are good guys and bad guys, and some bad stuff is happening. Every line of dialogue in a trailer is an opportunity to tell a story. But instead of taking that opportunity, this trailer uses dialogue so random, the best we can glean about the game is: "There is a story." That's a pretty low bar!
Since this is a high budget Final Fantasy game, it can lean on its high production values, nostalgia, and fanbase to pretty much guarantee success. But this trailer probably didn't ingratiate itself to potential new players. Let's look line by line at why the dialogue editing in this trailer is mostly unsuccessful. I'm going to omit who is speaking because fresh audiences won't have the benefit of knowledge that exists outside of the trailer.
Man #1: Cloud, let us defy destiny. Together. Who is Cloud? Who is this man speaking? What is this destiny they're going to defy? Based on character design and vocal delivery we might figure out the man speaking is a villain, but we can't actually know for sure. We know this man wants to join forces with Cloud, but that's about it.
Woman #1: They're gonna drop Plate #7. What is Plate #7? Is it a dinner plate? Is a tectonic plate? What will happen when it drops? Why does that matter?
Man #2: They're gonna do WHAT!? This line seems to be matching up with the previous one, so we can see this man is incredulous at the prospect of this plate dropping. Then again, since the first two lines didn't seem to connect in any way, why should we think these two connect?
Even the selection of visuals is totally random. None of the visuals connect with the dialogue unless it's the shot the dialogue is being spoken in.
Woman #3: This'll be a memory to cherish for the rest of your lives! This line also doesn't seem to connect to anything that came before it. We don't know if this is a villain or a hero, though its read does make it sound like she's saying this ironically. It's not apparently paired with any visuals, so we have no clue what she's even referring to.
Man #3: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? This is usually a good sort of line to put into a trailer, but we have to know who "you" is. It would be a very different thing to say if it was said to an ally instead of an antagonist. Since we have no context, it just tells us something dramatic is happening.
Man #4: They deserve what's coming to them. Who deserves what's coming, and what is the thing that is coming to them? Is this a villain monologuing or a hero talking about a villain? Again, since this line stands alone, it basically says nothing.
Woman #1: Yeah. But I'm not your sister. This line seems to be in response to the previous line, but the line about not being this man's sister falls completely flat and almost feels comically disconnected. No one has previously talked about anyone being someone's sister or brother, or mentioned it being a point of contention. Again, this line doesn't help us at all.
Variety is one thing, but the trailer has to be in "montage mode" for variety to make sense. Otherwise, it will add confusion.
Man #5: Now, let the hunt begin! Hunt for what? Who is being hunted? This doesn't even sound that threatening. Is it supposed to be threatening?
Man #6: Surrender to the darkness. Embrace it! Sounds like a villain line, but we don't know if the darkness is an entity, a metaphorical idea, or anything else. We barely know who the protagonists are and what they're trying to do, and we don't know who are the villains and their goals.
Woman #1: This is just wrong (screams) What is just wrong? What is she upset about? Why should we care?
A story trailer is in a bad situation if any line of dialogue has this many questions surrounding it, let alone all of them. These aren't the questions you want the audience to be asking after watching a trailer. You want them to be curious, not confused. We can't be curious unless we have a sense of what is happening, who is involved, what are the stakes, etc.
This is precisely why a scattershot story trailer is so detrimental to a game's marketing and why I describe this sort of trailer as narrative chaos. Dialogue should connect and form new ideas which make the trailer fun to watch. Let's contrast this with a Final Fantasy VII Remake trailer made by Hammer Creative which works MUCH better.
Here's the dialogue from this trailer. Again, I'll omit character names.
Man #1: Look, I'm involved in things. Dangerous things. Woman #1: So? Man #1: So keep your distance. These lines work together to establish this character as a loner who does dangerous work of sorts. These lines are punctuated by an accent and then connect to the next two.
Woman #2: What was his name again? Man #2: Cloud...Cloud Strife. Continuing from the previous lines, these tell us his name.
Man #1: This is a one-time gig. When it's done, we're done. Man #3: Come on, nobody'd do something this crazy just for money. Man #4: Are you gonna stand there and pretend you can't hear the planet crying out in pain!? I know you can!Man #1: I'd worry less about the planet and more about the next five seconds.These lines tell us Cloud is a hired mercenary going on a mission so dangerous money doesn't seem like adequate compensation. The person is galled at Cloud's indifference to the planet dying. Cloud's dialogue indicates something dangerous is about to happen.
Woman #2: Cloud! Okay, that was pretty cool. This works as an accent between the story moments and is cut with some cool visuals.
This trailer not only connects lines of dialogue, but it shows images to illustrate what they're talking about. This helps embed ideas in the audience's mind.
Woman #3: You weren't thinking of leaving Midgar anytime soon were you?
Man #1: Well, seems this old friend of mine's in a tight spot. Long time ago, I made a promise...so...
Woman #3: I'm really glad to have you back, Cloud. Really glad.This story moment is somewhat disconnected from the previous story, but it's still focused on Cloud. The lines further emphasize his character as a drifter and implies he has history with this character. Overall, the whole story of this trailer is focused on this character Cloud of being back in town.
This doesn't sound like a lot, but this trailer is so much more fun to watch, and I come away with a general sense of who this character is (or at least the archetype he neatly fits into). While I wouldn't call this a full fledged story trailer, this does show how it doesn't take much to at least flesh out a small part of the story. In addition to the well chosen dialogue, the editing is leaps and bounds better than the first trailer (btw, this trailer was edited by my friend Elisha Male who is now the senior editor at Bethesda Softworks)
If you'd like to read more about story trailer editing, I recommend these previous posts of mine:
